


one last time (for old time's sake)

by tonicandjins



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: F/M, Seventeen - Freeform, seventeen fic, seventeen scenarios
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 02:24:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15742212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonicandjins/pseuds/tonicandjins
Summary: You receive an invitation for the worst day of your life.





	one last time (for old time's sake)

**Author's Note:**

> This work is originally posted in my tumblr blog. Thank you for reading!

pairing: kim mingyu/reader (au)

genre: angst

warnings: cussing

word count: 10,950 

* * *

 

**P r e s e n t**

_Jesus Christ_ , you hate the rain.

You sigh, repeatedly banging your head against the headrest and attempting to mute the sound of your windshield swiping back and forth from your head. There are only a few superficial things in the entire universe that get in your nerves, and two of which are at your presence at the moment: the rain and the sound of your windshield.

You had forgotten your umbrella. Banging your head a bit harder with your eyes closed, you remind yourself to take your mother’s advice and buy a separate umbrella for your car so if cases like  _this_  occur, you’d have one ready.

You have been sitting inside your car twelve minutes now. You open your eyes and divert your sight to the digital numbers displayed by the stereo system. It tells you that it’s 10:54 in the evening and you sigh in annoyance again, because all you really want right now is to rest.

So you decide to make a run for it.

One of your hands holds your bag over you while the other is tightly clutching your coat together in hopes of keeping your clothes underneath dry. You run, nearly slipping before you could even get to your apartment complex’s entrance.

Mr. Lee, the hardworking security guard, greets you, a worried look ghosts over his face. You shake your bag a little, droplets of rainwater spluttering on the floor.

“Y/N,” he approaches. “You know my number. Had I known you were outside…”

“Mr. Lee,” you reply, touching his forearm once he’s in front of you. “It’s all right. I made it alive, didn’t I?”

“Yes, but you always hated the rain,” he remarks.

A small laugh escapes your mouth because you realize you never said it to him, but having been living in the complex for over four years, he must have noticed. And it confuses you a little because you have always been known for having mastered the art of concealing how you feel, yet standing there, you realize there’s still a hint of transparency in you.

“Thank you for remembering that,” you say with a sincere smile. “I’d love to chat, but my head’s in a glitch at the moment from the lack of sleep. My editors have been keeping me busy.”

“Ah, you must be so tired,” he guesses with a sigh. It’s only when he hands you a small pile of papers and envelopes that you notice the small bandage on his wrist. “A few of your subscriptions came it today. I think there are mails in there, too.”

You nod and take the pile from his hand. “What happened to that?”

“Just a sprain, nothing your old man can’t handle,” he jokes. “The nurse from 4A was kind enough to wrap it up for me.”

“Mr. Lee, you’re not getting any younger. Please take care of yourself,” you worriedly say. He nods and smiles.

“I’ll let you go then. But you have to promise you’ll come hang out here with me again. Been so boring lately.”

“Will do, Mr. Lee,” you reply, winking at him before walking away. “Goodnight! I’ll see you in the morning!”

You punch your apartment’s floor on the elevator buttons, shaking your slightly damp hair. It doesn’t take long until you hear a _ding_ , indicating that you’ve reached your floor.

Once you entered your apartment, you switch a light on, quickly drop your bag and mail on a table, and slip out of your wet shoes and coat. Your phone rings before you could even walk past the desk you put your bag on, so you take it as you walk around to switch on the rest of your apartment’s lights.

_Wonwoo_ , you read. You sigh for the hundredth time in the span of a few hours because you know exactly why he’s calling. He had been calling you daily for the past three weeks, checking up on you and insisting to come to visit you at work or at your apartment. You always decline and make up an excuse not to see him—or anyone else for that matter.

“Why haven’t you been answering?” is the first thing that you hear from the other end of the line.

You drop your body on the couch before answering. “Hello to you, too, Wonwoo.”

“I’ve been calling nonstop. I had a client meeting so I couldn’t come see you,” he mumbles. “I was worried…”

“I was writing until half past ten,” you reply, eyes closing. “You could have visited me at my department. And I can’t answer the phone while driving, idiot. What would you worried about?”

“That you’ve seen it,” he answers. “I didn’t want you to be alone when you do.”

“See what?”

“Have you checked your mail?”

“The mail? Yes, I just got it but I’m too tired to go through it right now. What about it?”

“Mingyu…”

The said name made you bolt awake, the exhaustion suddenly disappearing from your body, and quickly stride over to the desk where you put your pile of mail and subscriptions. You pinch your phone between your ear and shoulder as you go through your mail. It seemed endless, the envelopes of bills and magazine subscriptions, but the second your hand touched the velvet envelope, your heart banged hard against your chest. You almost drop on your knees, but you hear Wonwoo call out your name.

“Are you there?” he asks.

“Y-yeah, I am,” you stutter. Your neck starts to hurt so you hold your phone and press it back to your ear. “It’s here.”

You flip the envelope, and you see a small strip of paper on it your name written in cursive. You touch it, letting your skin run over it for a second, and realize that it’s real. It’s here.

“It is.”

“I didn’t know it would arrive so soon,” you whisper to yourself but Wonwoo hears it.

“I was surprised, too,” he says. “I got a call from Mingyu as well. He told me he couldn’t get you to answer your phone and that he’s worried you’re overworking yourself again.”

You hum, slowly walking back to your couch to sit. Running your fingertips over your name for the last time, you painstakingly open the envelope, careful not the rip it.

“He’s worried still,” Wonwoo continues. “That you might feel alone now since… you know. And I told him numerous times that he need not to worry because I’m only, like, five blocks from you. I told him I could basically run to you if something happens, unlike him who’s miles away.”

You close your eyes and take a deep breath as you slowly slip the card from the envelope.

“Y/N?” Wonwoo calls, but you do not hear him, because in front of your eyes are the words you have feared to see written in bold and fancy letters.

> **_With great pleasure,_ **
> 
> **_Kim Min Gyu_ **
> 
> **_And_ **
> 
> **_Jung Chae Yeong_ **
> 
> **_Request the honor of your presence_ **
> 
> **_As they tie the knot_ **
> 
> **_On Saturday, May 26 th_ **
> 
> **_At two in the afternoon_ **

There are more words written on the paper, perhaps details of the day you have been praying wouldn’t arrive so soon, but your tears have blurred out your sight, a loud sob escaping your throat.

“Y/N.” Wonwoo panics at the sound of you crying. “Y/N, I’m coming over.”

You hear him mumble words, but it doesn’t reach you further because your frail hands drop the phone and envelope on your lap. You shoulders shake and your chest tightens. Tears continuously flow from your eyes to your face, down your lap. You bury your face on your palms, sobbing your heart out. Like a child left alone in a crowded place, you bawl and weep your lungs out.

You realize this is the first time you had cried this loud, and you don’t even bother to end the call with Wonwoo. Your heart breaks even more when you realize that this is the first time you cried about this. This is the first time you cried since Mingyu told you he’s getting married.

You had been doing well, you thought. You have managed to keep it together for the past weeks, not even blinking a single teardrop from your eyes. You threw yourself to your job— taking project after project, working overtime daily and even during weekends, making sure you had no time to wallow over your pain. The tightness on your chest clenched day by day, but you never let it take over you until today. You guess that it’s because it never seemed real to you, Mingyu’s engagement. Perhaps your mind tried to trick you that it’s not real that’s why you were able to keep it together. But the invitation, it’s real. You realize now that it’s real and it’s happening. Too soon, you wail, but there was nothing else you could do.

The last thing you remember that night is the fingertips of Wonwoo’s girlfriend touching your face to wipe your tears. You hadn’t realized that your body gave up on you until Wonwoo carried you to your room and his girlfriend tended your needs, whispering things you couldn’t decipher.

And  _God,_  it angers you that even in your sleep, you are in pain. Even in your sleep, you are still very much in love with Kim Mingyu.

❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ 

**P a s t**

“This is your chance, Y/N,” Wonwoo encourages as he hands you a plastic cup. “It’s about time Mingyu knows about your undying love for him.”

“I don’t love him!”

“Yet,” the boy corrects, grinning. “Stop lying, Y/N. I already know everything.”

You sip from your cup, coughing in disgust because you never really liked beer. Wonwoo’s phone vibrates from his jacket’s pocket. He grins even wider when he reads the message.

“He’s almost here,” he announces and you almost spit out your drink. “Get ready. You’re telling him about how you feel.”

Your stomach churns. “I can’t do it Wonwoo.”

“Come on, Y/N!” he cheers. “This is the perfect place to admit the feelings you’ve been holding for years!”

You look around. Members of Hansol’s fraternity are walking around, handing people drink after drink. A few couples are making out on the dance floor and three of their friends are already passed out.

“Why are we here again? We’re grown adults!” you shout over the music.

Wonwoo laughs, slipping his phone back in his pocket. “You graduated a year ago and now you act like you can’t join this crowd anymore. We’re here for Hansol, okay? It’s the first time he’s hosting as president of his frat’s monthly party.”

“Do you miss this?” you inquire. “Hosting frat parties, I mean. When I look at you now, I can no longer see you in this scene.”

“Why? Because I wear suits and tie at work now?” he jokes.

Before you could respond, Wonwoo’s  _squeals_ , eyes focused behind you. And you turn.

The loud music from Hansol’s speakers gradually mutes from your ears. You watch Wonwoo walk past you to reach his best friend and give him a quick hug before pulling him towards you.  _Wait_ , you read from Mingyu’s mouth. You couldn’t decipher the rest of what he said, besides the words  _is just meeting her friends outside_.

Wonwoo looks at you, worry clouds his eyes, and then he’s suddenly pushing Mingyu to turn and walk away from you. You put your drink on the counter and straighten yourself to follow them. The crowd got bigger within a few seconds because you lost sight of them. Quickly, you trail out of the living room to find the two outside.

You bump into a drunk Seungkwan by the doorframe. He hugs you and gives you a wet kiss on your cheek and you laugh because even drunk, the kid remains goofy and sweet.

“You seen Wonwoo and Mingyu?” you ask. “They were just here a second ago.”

“Have you checked upstairs?” the younger boy slurs.

“No, I saw them walk here,” you answer. “And why would they go upstairs?”

“There’s a rumor,” he sloppily narrates. “When they were still members of the frat, that they’re in a relationship. Wonwoo hyung is always at Mingyu hyung’s room. They’re always together. Maybe they think we’re all drunk to realize they’re fucking right now.”

You laugh. “They’ve been in a relationship for three years,” you joke along and hush. “Don’t tell anyone I told you.”

Seungkwan gasps and then squeals. “I knew it!” Before you can say anything, Chan comes in to pull Seungkwan away from you. The younger one apologizes and promises he’ll see you later. Poor kid, you thought, he’s the youngest but he’s the one taking care of his older friends.

When you turn to continue searching for your best friends, a cold liquid runs on the front of your shirt. You cuss loudly, briskly taking a step back from the culprit.

“I’m so sorry,” she apologizes. You finally look up and a girl stands before you. You smile and apologize as well. “I didn’t see you. I’m sorry,” she says again. “I’ll get you another shirt.”

“It’s fine,” you reply. “It’s a cheap shirt.”

She protests and steps closer to wipe your shirt with her handkerchief. You step back quickly because she was too close for your liking, but she was already holding you in place.

“Y/N!”

You turn and realize that Mingyu’s calling you, a nervous Wonwoo stands behind him. You still wonder why Wonwoo’s mood suddenly changed. He was just overenthusiastic to see Mingyu minutes ago.

“Gyu!” you called, tearing yourself away from the girl who spilled her drink on you. You quickly walk towards your friends, throwing yourself at Mingyu for a hug. You have not seen the guy for almost two weeks because you both worked in different cities.

You and Mingyu graduated at the same time. (You smile at the thought of your picture with him in your academic dresses and cap on the day of your graduation.) Wonwoo and Mingyu were best friends since childhood. You and Wonwoo met through classes because you both took the same degree, only he is a year older. That’s how you met Mingyu.

By the time you got out of uni, you and Wonwoo stayed in Seoul because you both work for the same publishing company while Mingyu moved to Daejeon, where he was hired.

Things have been busy for the three of you. So busy that it’s become difficult to meet more frequently. You and Wonwoo worked at the same place but because of him being busier than you are, hanging out only meant you handing him a cup of latte and him dropping by your office to say hi. Wonwoo and Mingyu rarely get to meet these days as well, so it was quite a challenge to gather the three of you in the same place. Hansol’s invitation to his party is the perfect time and place for the three of you to reunite.

Mingyu hugs you back, wrapping both his arms around your waist. He lifts you up slightly before setting you on your feet to kiss the top of your head  “I have missed you, my darling,” he says and your heart races.

“It’s been a while,” you pout, leaning for another quick hug, before taking a step back to look at him properly. “You lost weight, didn’t you? I don’t see you in two weeks and you’re already losing weight? Must be depressing,” you joke. “Not seeing me every day like we were in college.”

Mingyu laughs. “Not really.”

“How insulting!” you gasp. You look at Wonwoo, who still looks as worried. “You. What’s up with you?”

“I- uhh,” he stammers.

“You know why I’ve been losing weight?” Mingyu interjects, and Wonwoo looks like he’s gonna throw up. You look back at the taller guy. “You’ve met the reason why.”

“The… what?”

Mingyu grins widely and steps forward, walking past you. Your heart drops when he wraps an arm around the shoulder of the girl you were just talking to a minute ago. He kisses the top of her head, just like how he did with yours, only this time his lips lingered longer and his eyes beamed brighter.

“Chaeyeong.” He says her name like it’s his favorite word, the grin never leaving her lips. “This is my other best friend, Y/N. “

You look at the girl. You suddenly want to scream at her for spilling her drink on you.

“Y/N.” You divert your attention back to Mingyu. “This is my girlfriend, Chaeyeong.”

_Since when,_ you wanted to ask.  _You can’t have a girlfriend,_  you wanted to say.  _I am in love with you Mingyu. This isn’t supposed to happen._

Wonwoo touches your back when he realizes you’re just shifting your sight from Mingyu and his girlfriend. He clears his throat when you remain speechless.

“I… I,” you stammer.

The girl steps closer to you. You step back. She shies away and looks at Mingyu. He smiles. “Our Y/N is a little shy,” he explains. “She doesn’t like her personal space being invaded. Only Wonwoo and I and a few other people can touch her.”

She nods and looks at you again. “That’s why you looked terrified when I tried to wipe the beer out of your shirt. Sorry for that again, by the way.”

You gulp and force yourself to talk. “It’s… uh, nice to meet you.”

She smiles, her pearly white teeth displaying, eyes smiling with her. “I’ve been dying to meet you, Y/N! My Gyu here has told me so many things about you and Wonwoo!”

_Gyu_ , you repeat in your head. The nickname you made for him during your freshmen year.  _Gyu._ She calls him Gyu.

You muster up another smile before turning to Wonwoo. “S-seungkwan,” you stutter. “He’s been looking for you. He wanted to know… he asked if… he—”

“Oh, yeah,” Wonwoo quickly agrees. “The thing. Yes. I told him I’d find him. You know where he is?”

You nod, eyes desperately asking Wonwoo to take you away from there. You don’t look back at Mingyu and the girl; you let Wonwoo quickly tell them about his thing with Seungkwan and that you and him need to find the younger boy now. Mingyu lets you go and reminds you to meet them at the lawn once you’re done. Wonwoo rapidly pulls you away from them and leads you inside.

Lost in your trance, you do not realize that you and Wonwoo are already locked inside Hansol’s room until he’s making you sit on your friend’s bed.

“Breathe,” he says, going down on one knee and holding both your shoulders. He looks up at you and realizes that you’re still lost in thought. “Y/N,” he calls and you finally look at him.

“M-mingyu,” is the only word your mouth could say before you’re sobbing on Wonwoo’s shoulder. Your friend hugs you and hushes you, stroking your hair while he does.

You do not know how long you stayed there with Wonwoo and how much tears you had cried or how you ended up cuddling on the bed—your face buried on his neck, his arm secured around you—but when you hear a knock on the door, Wonwoo helps you fix your hair and wipe the tears from your eyes.

Hansol looks shocked when he sees you sitting on his bed. He looks back at Wonwoo, then back at you and comes up with a ridiculous conclusion.

“Hyung,” you hear him whine. “In my bed? Seriously?”

“Fuck off, Hansol. It’s not like that,” Wonwoo defends before making the boy leave. He turns back to you and asks if you want to stay there longer.

The clock on Hansol’s bedside table indicates that it’s an hour past midnight. You shake your head. You feel bad that Wonwoo had missed the party because of you.

When the two of you meet your friends by the kitchen, Hansol was in the middle of narrating what he just saw. There’s a teasing smirk on Jihoon and Soonyoung’s mouths. Minghao claims he had known from the start. And you knew what they were talking about but you were too tired to deny anything. Mingyu and the girl stood in the corner of the kitchen, yet you don’t give them a glance.

Your friends hug you goodbye. Wonwoo keeps an arm around you and leads you to the passenger seat of his car. He helps you settle while you’re still lost in your own mind.

You do not realize that Mingyu and the girl are coming with you until the boy talks. Wonwoo drives and asks them the address so he could put it on his navigation. You remain quiet, head leaning against the window, eyes closed.

“So…” Mingyu starts, clearing his throat. “You two… since when?”

“Mingyu,” Wonwoo sternly calls his name.

“What?” the other defends. “I can’t ask anything? I thought we were best friends.”

“Mingyu, stop,” Wonwoo murmurs. “It’ not like that…”

“So,” Mingyu continues. “This is just a one-time thing, then? Between you two?”

Wonwoo sighs in response.

“I wondered why you two disappeared for more than three hours,” Mingyu rambles. “I mean, it’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s not like we signed a pact that we shouldn’t be involved with one another in a romantic way or whatever you call it. It’s just that… it’s weird, seeing the two of you walk downstairs. Y/N’s hair is disheveled and Hansol said you two looked tired. But… it would have been nice to know. But if this is just a one-time thing or because it impulsively happened because you’re drunk, then it’s fine with me. You don’t have to be embarrassed. Just… tell me, okay?”

“My God, Mingyu,” Wonwoo groans. Mingyu’s girlfriend laughs.

“Don’t laugh,” Mingyu scolds. “This is a serious thing among us.” The girl apologizes. “Just…” he trails off. “Tell me if it becomes serious between you, okay?”

You keep your eyes close, hoping Mingyu would think you’re in deep sleep. You don’t really have it in you to talk to him. Wonwoo doesn’t answer. Instead, he turns his radio on and a melancholic song you’re not familiar with plays.

Nobody talks for the entire ride, or at least until you had really fallen asleep.

Wonwoo wakes you up and takes you to his apartment and lets you stay in his bed. He sleeps beside you soundly, while you stay awake the rest of the night until his alarm goes off. You insist to leave when he asked you what you wanted for breakfast. Wonwoo takes a good look at you and agrees because he knew you needed someone last night but now you needed to be alone.

He calls and pays for a taxi to drive you, even when you kept saying it’s just five blocks away, you could walk.

When you return to your house, your chest is still just as tight as it was when you heard Mingyu calling the girl his girlfriend. You realize that this was the first time that Mingyu had inflicted real pain on you. Whenever he touches you and says sweet things that made your head spin, there is a slight pinch in your heart that indicates love. This pinch is different. It’s love, you thought, unrequited, excruciatingly painful love.

At that time, you thought Mingyu couldn’t hurt you anymore. You thought it had been your greatest heartbreak. You didn’t know you were just in the beginning of the most agonizing and heart-wrenching ride of heartbreak in your life.

❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ 

**P r e s e n t**

Wonwoo takes you to your favorite coffee shop two days after you receive the invitation. Joohyun, his girlfriend, sends you a text and promises to clear her schedule for the next week to hang out with you. You laugh a little because Joohyun calls watching you lose yourself in your own thoughts and tumble on your own words as “hanging out”. You feel bad, of course, that Wonwoo and Joohyun are sparing time out of their busy days to come “hang out” with you.

You’re looking through the window when Wonwoo comes back from the counter. It doesn’t take long for the waitress to serve your coffee. Wonwoo thanks her while you’re still staring blankly at the passing people.

“Y/N,” he calls you. You look at him. “We need to talk about it.”

You sigh and watch the way the steam of the hot coffee disappears as it moves away from the cup. You wish a lot more things disappeared as it moves away. You shake your head and wrap your palms around the mug, feeling its warmth, but not doing anything more. You don’t really feel like drinking coffee.

Wonwoo sighs, frustration clouding his face. He must think you’re annoying. A nuisance, you thought, because you’re being stubborn and a pain in the ass. But his eyes soften once he sees the emptiness in your eyes like a burned out light bulb.

“It’s in two weeks, Y/N,” he reminds you as if you’re not counting the days. “Mingyu wants us to be there ASAP.”

“You go,” you blankly answer. “You’re the best man, aren’t you? I don’t have business there. I’ll be attending if that’s what you are worried about.”

He takes a sip of his iced coffee. “I’ve already talked to Jun. He agreed to take you as his date.”

“You’re arranging my dates, now? Thank you, Wonwoo,” you reply in a monotonous voice, eyes still focus on the evaporating steam of your coffee.

“Because you’re not gonna do it if I don’t,” he answers. “There will be rehearsals. Mingyu wants you to be there, too.”

“I have work.”

“He asked if I could pull some strings and get you out of work this week,” he explains. “Y/N. This is for Mingyu.”

_This is for Mingyu,_  you repeat in your head.  _What about me?_

You look up from your coffee to look at Wonwoo’s eyes. He must be so torn about this—between you and Mingyu. He’s here comforting you and being an amazing friend, all while doing his duty as the best man. You heard from Joohyun that he’s been driving back and forth from Seoul to his and Mingyu’s hometown to help the groom-to-be. Your heart aches even more.

So you nod. “I’ll be there.”

“Not just at the wedding,” he interjects. “He wants us to stay at our hometown with him until the wedding. He even said you could stay at his home. Joohyun and I can stay at my parents’ house.”

“Wonwoo,” you trailed off. “It’s… too much.”

He sighs and thinks. “Okay. How about this: I go first and you can come after a few days. I can make up a lie about your work to Mingyu and say you can only make it until a few days before the wedding. And I can offer my home. You can stay with us. I’m sure Mom could find room for you. Does that work for you?”

You muster up a fake smile and nod. “Thank you, Wonwoo.”

“You can drive there with Joohyun,” he continues. “She has work as well so she can’t be there until the Tuesday before the wedding. Sounds good?”

_Not really._ “Sure.”

Wonwoo smiles a little and you catch the small sigh of relief from his mouth. He sips on his coffee as you watch yours. The warmth is slowly going away and you almost want to cry again because the comfort it gave you is short-lived.

You don’t really know where to find comfort nor happiness these days.

❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ 

**P a s t**

“It’s been so long, hasn’t it?” Mingyu asks. “Since we hung out. Just the two of us.”

You nod, watching as his car passed by the buildings.

Wonwoo thought it was a good idea to ditch the two of you. He thinks it would be a good thing to leave you and Mingyu alone after so long.

It had been three months since you found out about Mingyu’s girlfriend. You had grown distant, but Mingyu didn’t. He still treats you as usual—exactly how he made you fall in love with him—and fails to realize that you feel more than how a friend should. He calls you, wonders why you haven’t been calling. And you tell him the exact same thing every time: busy at work. Once, he confessed that he’s hurt that you’ve been  _clearly_ avoiding him and said that if it’s about you and Wonwoo “hooking up” then you had nothing to worry about. Persistent, he is, and always so charming.

Wonwoo had promised he’d meet you after work. Mingyu volunteered to drive so he’d come pick you up. But when you knocked on Wonwoo’s office, only to be greeted by his assistant, telling you that the man had left three hours earlier, you scolded and reminded yourself not to trust Jeon Wonwoo again. You should have known he’d do something like this.

“Too bad,” Mingyu continues while driving. “I bought him his favorite burger.”

You stay silent.

“Hey,” he calls out. “Remember in freshmen year when we had no money to buy fast food so we always opted for the ramen from the convenience store?”

You let out a small laugh. “Yeah, I do. And when our parents finally send us money, we splurge it on alcohol and get drunk instead of storing our pantry with food. Then regret it in the morning.”

He laughs with you. “Why did we always choose alcohol over actual meals?”

“Because we were idiots,” you answer. “Wonwoo was the least idiotic among the three of us. If it weren’t for him, I don’t think we would have graduated honestly.”

Mingyu almost chokes on his own spit when you’re almost at the beach because of laughing. You had no idea how you managed to go back to the way you were with him—comfortable and silly—but Mingyu loves it. He pouts when he says he missed this—he missed  _you_. You say you did as well but didn’t say  _every day_.

The sun sets while the two of you sat on the opened compartment of his car, eating what he had bought. Mingyu offers you a bite of his pizza and you don’t think twice. You wipe the sauce from the corner of his mouth and you laugh at his attempt to impersonate Benedict Cumberbatch on Doctor Strange.

It’s picture perfect, you thought.

_Gyu_ , you wanted to say, but he spoke first.

“Chaeyeong,” he says, a smile adorning his lips. “She’s really—she’s.. uh, anxious about something.”

The smile disappears from your lips for a second before you gather up your strength to fake it. “About what?”

“You,” he answers.

“Me?” you repeat. “Why? She doesn’t think we have something, does she?”

“No, no, not like that,” he replies. “It’s just that—she knows how important you are to me. You mean so much to me, you know that, right?” You nod. “She thinks you don’t like her.”

“W-what?” you stammer. “I do! I like her. She’s nice.”

“You always say that when I ask you about Chaeyeong,” he sighs. “I just—I need to know what you think of her, Y/N. You’re really important to me.”

“Why?” you ask.

“I just told you. You’re important to me.”

You laugh. “It doesn’t really matter, Mingyu.”

He frowns. “It does. What you think about who I’m with matters. You’re my best friend, Y/N.”

“I’m telling Wonwoo, your best friend since middle school, that you just confirmed that I am, in fact, your best friend,” you answer. He laughs a little before shaking his head and turning back to the question.

You look away from him and stare at the horizon. The sun has almost completely set. Picture perfect, you repeat in your head, if things were different.

“Do you like her for me?” he asks when you continue to stare at the sun setting. He shifts a little so he was facing the same direction as you are.

“And if I don’t?” you muse.

“Then… I—I would—“

You laugh. “You’re not gonna break up with her, Mingyu.”

“I really wish I won’t,” he says. You  _feel_  him look at you. The picture of him looking at you, the colors of the sunset on illuminating his face, is quite tempting, and you want to look back at him to complete the image in your head, then perhaps he’ll lean in to kiss the air out of your lungs, but then you remember why you shouldn’t.

“But,” he interjects. “If by any chance—I really hope not—you don’t like her for me, I would try to figure things out. If you’re uncomfortable with me being with her, then I could talk to her. It’s—it’s not really serious yet between us. That’s why I’m asking you this because we’re not on that stage yet. If I ask you later and we’ve become serious, it would be a bit harder to leave her.”

Your heart breaks. “You’d break up with her for me?”

He shrugs. “Why not? Like I said, you’re important to me. Equally as important as my mom and sister. Sometimes even more.”

You ponder and come up with another image in your head. Mingyu holding you close, exactly as he would, but this time with loving eyes and a brighter smile. You start to imagine how his lips would feel like against yours because you had always known how it does on your cheeks and forehead. Your name, will he say it like it’s his favorite word?

But then it snaps out of you when you realize that he wouldn’t be breaking up for Chaeyeong because he’s in love with you, too. He would be breaking up with you because you said so.

And then another image forms in your mind—Mingyu with crestfallen eyes, drunk and crying Chaeyeong’s name out. You think of Wonwoo trying to cater to his best friend’s emotions and you feel your heart break even more.

So you look back at him. The sun has completely set now; it’s the moonlight’s turn to illuminate Mingyu’s face.

“I do like her,” you sincerely say. “She makes you happy, right?”

Mingyu smiles. “More than anyone else in the world.”

Your heart breaks a little more and you try your best to fight the tears but fail. Mingyu panics and reaches out to wipe your tears but you stop him.

“These are happy tears,” you lie. “This is all I’ve wanted for you, Mingyu.”

Mingyu’s eyes soften at your words and he leans in to hug you. You bite your lip and close your eyes tightly as he does.

“Thank you,” he says as he hugs you even tighter. “This means everything to me.”

You hug him back and continue to fight the tears (and fail to do so as well), because you realize how much you really love Kim Mingyu. You wish you could put it in words, but how can one describe such great feeling?

If love was pain, then you were very much willing to feel hurt today and every day until all the love you have for him is gone.

❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ 

**P r e s e n t**

Mingyu calls you eight days before his wedding.

“You’re really an asshole, you know?” he grumbles.

“That is quite an observation,” you reply, your phone pinched between your ears and shoulder as you responded to your e-mail. “I told you, I have work.”

“This is me we’re talking about,” he replies.

“Ah, Kim Mingyu, a narcissistic asshole,” you taunt. You hear him sigh from the other end of the line so you let out a laugh. “I’m just messing with you. Stressed?”

“Very,” he answers truthfully. You didn’t need to ask, you already knew by the sound of his voice. “Any chance you could come sooner? Not to help me out with the wedding… just to—you know. Just. Come here. I miss you.”

You stop typing, reaching up to hold the phone properly against your ear.

“You’re just stressed,” you reply, trying to calm your heart from beating so rapidly. “I can’t get off from work now. I’m sorry.”

“What time can you get off?” he asks. You think for a second.

“Ten, maybe?” you answer. “I’m working overtime these days.”

“Because of the wedding?”

“Yeah,” you lie. “I’m not really supposed to take a leave.”

“I told Wonwoo to pull some strings for you,” he mumbles.

“He did,” you confirm. “This is how far he can pull.”

He sighs. “I’ll pick you up after work.”

“What? No, you’re not! You’re, like, two hours away!” you protested.

“That gives me four hours until you’re done.”

“Mingyu, you are not coming here. You have a wedding to prepare for.”

“Watch me,” he challenged.

“You’re the asshole here,” you say, sighing as you felt defeat.

“You are, too,” he replies. “I guess that makes us even?”

He ends the call without waiting for your response. The next call from Mingyu rings, as promised, four hours later. He tells you he’s parked outside. You contemplate on wearing your heels or your office flats but winded up slipping the comfortable ones.

When you step outside your building, you immediately see Mingyu waiting for you like a chauffeur. He smiles at you, hands behind him, and bows at your direction.

“A taxi for Ms. Y/N?” he says. You laugh and hit him on the arm. He opens the door of the passenger’s seat for you and waits until you’re settled before shutting it.

“She let you drive to Seoul?” you inquire once Mingyu had settled his seatbelt. “Chaeyeong?”

“Please don’t mention her name or the wedding,” he pleads and you giggle. “I’m so stressed out. You have no idea. Advice: don’t get married.”

“Where are you taking me?” you ask.

“Convenience store,” he answers quickly. “I’m craving for cheap ramen.”

“You drove all the way to Seoul for ramen? From a convenience store?”

“Mhm,” he hums, turning the volume of his speakers.

“Go left,” you command. “There’s a convenience store down that st—hey! I said turn left! You missed it!”

“I’m not here just for any convenience store,” he says with a proud smile. You look at him and it clicks to you.

“Just like old times?” you ask.

“Just like old times.”

❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ 

**P a s t**

“So, this Taehyung guy,” Mingyu trails off as he watches you move around your kitchen. “It’s serious between you two?”

You grunt when the pan touches you slightly, burning your finger. Mingyu sighs and walks across the room to check your finger. He pulls you by your hand and runs the cold water from your faucet.

“Stop being so clumsy,” he mumbles.

“Says the person who dropped another one of my mugs not even ten minutes since you entered my apartment,” you retort.

Once he’s done, he lets go of your hand and helps you cook.

It had been two weeks since you watched the sunset with him. And you could say that things are getting a bit better. You are still sad over obvious facts, but you now feel like you could act normal around Mingyu. Oblivious as he is, Mingyu says he’s happy you’re acknowledging your friendship again. He took a day off from his job at Daejeon and decided to spend it with you and Wonwoo. But since Wonwoo had a date with the girl he met through a client, it’s just you and the giant. You opted to stay home because… why not?

“You haven’t answered me,” he reminds when you started setting the table. “I’m not gonna pry! I just wanna know!”

“I’ve only been on two dates with him, okay?” you finally answer. “I don’t know if I like him enough yet. He’s charming and kind and all but—ugh, I hate you—I don’t know yet!”

“So you do like him?”

“I think. Yes but,” you pause. “I honestly don’t know! How do you know if you like a person like that?”

“Where’d you even get him anyway? A dating app?”

“Wonwoo,” you answer, pulling him so he could sit and eat. “He introduced Tae to me.”

“Tae, huh?” he teased. “You do like him!”

“I, ugh, I don’t!” you protested.

“Then why are you replying to his messages?”

“Because I’m trying to figure out if I really do like him!” you exasperatedly answer. “Mingyu, if you don’t stop asking these ridiculous questions, I’m gonna shove these on your mouth.”

“I just wanna know!”

“I’ve been answering you!” you shout. “Now stop. Eat.”

“Last question,” he asks. You sigh and nod. “You’re not doing this to spite Wonwoo, right?”

“To spite Won—what? Where did you get that idea?”

Mingyu sighs, reaching for a pair of chopsticks and a spoon. “Because you two didn’t work out? You’re not dating Taeyang—”

“Taehyung.”

“—to make Wonwoo feel bad, right?”

“Why on earth would I want Wonwoo to feel bad?”

“Because it didn’t work out between the two of you.”

“Us?” you ask. “Wonwoo? And me? Since when?”

“Since… Hansol’s party?”

You burst out into laughter. “Me? And Wonwoo? Oh my God, you really thought we fucked?”

Mingyu looks at you in confusion. “Y-you didn’t?”

You calm yourself. “No! Wonwoo and I would never!”

“But Hansol said—”

“He misinterpreted it,” you answer, wiping the tears from your eyes. “Wonwoo was comfor—” you stop yourself.

Mingyu looks at you, urging you to continue.

“I slept, and Wonwoo came in to wake me up,” you lie quickly. “That’s why I looked tired and my hair was a mess. Hansol was drunk and you all believed him? I can’t believe this. I’m gonna call Wonwoo later and laugh about this with him.”

“You’re lying. Then why did neither of you deny it?” he dares.

You shrug, “Like I said, I was sleeping. I was half asleep when we met you at the kitchen. I’m pretty sure I heard Wonwoo deny it a million times. None of you just believed him.”

You reach out to put food on your plate while Mingyu remained frozen.

“What’s wrong?” you ask, putting food on his plate.

“This whole time, I thought you and him had something,” he mumbles, reaching for the wine he brought and pouring some on your glass. “I can’t believe I thought Wonwoo was keeping the truth. He was telling me the truth all along.”

“Rule number one in our friendship,” you say. “Trust us.”

He sighs and sips from his wine.

“Why?” you ask.

“Nothing,” he answers.

But his eyes said otherwise. The entire night, even after dinner when you and him snuggled each other during the film you chose to watch, Mingyu’s eyes are clouded, like he’s thinking hard. You knew Mingyu well, and you were almost sure it’s regret that you see in his beautiful eyes. You ask me twice what’s bothering him, but he shrugs and fakes a smile, telling you to shut up and watch the film.

You continue to wonder what he’s regretting.

He tells you later that night that Chaeyeong is moving to his in a week like it’s nothing. You ask if it wasn’t too early and he shrugs and says she needs a place to stay in.

He suggests that you should tag along when he and Chaeyeong are in town in a few days. You make up another excuse why you can’t.

You tell him you’re tired when the clock hit twelve.

“Already?” he asks.

“Have been for so long,” you answer.

❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ 

**P r e s e n t**

How you ended up at the basketball court at your old university at past midnight with Mingyu, you didn’t know.

Sometime after devouring three cups of ramen, two servings of rice balls, three spicy rice cakes, skewered sausages and fish cakes, steamed buns and cans of soda, Mingyu decided that it would be a good idea to visit your university in the middle of the night. The buildings were closed, of course, but the lights on the open basketball court were still switched on.

You remember watching playoffs with him here three years ago. Wonwoo rarely tagged along because he always preferred the library. Sitting on one of the bleachers beside Mingyu made you feel some type of way—longing, sadness, and just… pain. You used to wish you could spend one last time with Mingyu here for old time’s sake. You guess that this is it, the granting of your wish. And it’s happening literally. One last time. For old time’s sake.

“—and Mom misses you, you know,” he ended his speech.

You nod, heart racing. One last time. For old time’s sake.

You test the waters. You link your arm with him. Mingyu doesn’t protest. You lean your head against his shoulder. He lets you and turns to give you a soft kiss on your head.

“I missed this,” you mumble, already feeling the tears form on your eyes. One last time. For old time’s sake.

“Me, too,” he answers, kissing your head again. “It was a good decision to drive all the way here.”

“It is,” you agree. One last time. For old time’s sake.

He laughs a little. “I remembered something when we briefly talked about your dating life a while ago.”

“It doesn’t exist,” you murmur, reaching his hand to intertwine with yours. For old time’s sake.

He holds your hand just as tightly. “Remember when I genuinely thought you and Wonwoo had something special?”

You laugh a little and nod. One last time.

“I… I had regrets,” he confessed.

You hummed. “I knew it. But you said nothing was bothering you when I constantly asked.”

“Because… Chaeyeong… things were just starting to become serious between us.”

Your grip on his hand loosens for a second, but you tighten it as quickly as it was gone.

“I…” he laughs. “I dated Chaeyeong to make you jealous.”

You freeze.

“I was only seeing her for a week at that time. She was shocked, too, when I introduced her as my girlfriend. But that night, at Hansol’s party, I panicked. I didn’t plan it well so I let everything happen impulsively,” he narrated. “Believe or not, Y/N, I liked you a lot. Like, a lot. You have no idea.”

He laughs as he massages your hand with his thumb. “So much that it hurt me you didn’t see it. And I was too much of a coward to admit it to you. So I thought, why not do what boys in books do? I met her at work and just… asked her out even when I’m truly not interested. I brought her to the party to see your reaction and told myself that if you show a hint of pain, I’d confess. I didn’t even care what Chaeyeong would feel. I was willing to be a full blown asshole for you.”

You heart stammers loudly against your chest, and you’re certain that your palms are sweating profusely.

Mingyu continues. “I was happy for a second, when I saw the look on your face, and how you and Wonwoo lied about meeting Seungkwan. I said, ah, finally, I’m confessing to her. But I couldn’t find you after that.” His breath becomes uneven for a while. “And then Hansol comes in and tells me that he found you and Wonwoo in his room and you looked like you just hooked up.” He laughs again. “God, you couldn’t imagine how painful that was for me. I mean, why wouldn’t you and Wonwoo fall in love? You worked in the same place. I was the one who’s left out because I worked two hours away from you.”

You remain silent. One last time. This is it.

You ponder how you’d confess to him and scold yourself because you hadn’t prepared a speech about your undying love for him. You didn’t even plan on confessing to him tonight, but you guess, here it is, right? Here’s the moment you have been waiting for.

You’re going to confess. You are finally telling Mingyu how you’ve felt for the past years. And it’s irrational and selfish because his wedding is in a week, but you have kept this in your heart for so long. You are going to tell him about the first time you knew you fell for him and how he—

“But that was a year ago, wasn’t it?” Mingyu wakes you from your trance. “Things are different now. I truly believe that Chaeyeong entered my life in the best time. I was heartbroken at that time and you weren’t even bothered by the fact that I was dating someone. All you wanted was to spend time with Wonwoo and—” he paused to clear his throat. “—it hurt. Every waking day of knowing you preferred Wonwoo over me hurt. And then… you told me nothing happened between you two and—”

He paused again to reach up and wipe his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket.

“It hurt even more. Because I had a chance to love you but it was gone. You were starting to see other people, and I didn’t want to ruin that for you. So I told you Chaeyeong and I were moving. It’s funny because she didn’t even know. She had offered but I said I’d think about it. I made the decision while we were watching a film.”

You haven’t processed a coherent sentence to say.

“I’m glad I got over you,” he says. Your heart breaks. You let the tears fall. “Chaeyeong. She’s amazing. I never knew someone could love me like that.”

You start to quietly sob.

“She understands me.”  _I do, too, even better._

“She doesn’t take me for granted. She’s always thinking about me.”  _I always do, Mingyu._

“She does everything to make me happy.”  _I always have._

“And she does, Y/N. She does.”  _I hope I did, too._

You let his hand go and pull away from him. You look at him and he has tears in his eyes as well. He laughs a little and reaches up to wipe your tears, and you soften in his touch. You reach up to hold his wrists to get them to stay there touching your face.

You held his hands, kissed both his palms and looked at him. You smile lightheartedly although you felt otherwise.

“I’m happy that she does,” you say quietly, still holding his hand. “I’m happy you found her. I couldn’t have done half the things she did for you.”

Mingyu lifts your hands and kisses it the same way you did. He drops your hand and puts one hand on the back of your neck, he other wrapped behind you. He pulls you in and plants a long kiss on your forehead. He stays like that while you continue to quietly sob. He mumbles he loves you and you cry even more.

“I love you, Mingyu,” is the only thing you confessed to him. Because it’s the only truth he deserves to know.

❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ 

**P a s t**

Mingyu drops it to you like it’s nothing. He’s been so good at that lately, announcing massive news like it’s nothing.

“Chaeyeong… and I,” he says while you, him, Wonwoo and Joohyun are having dinner. “We’re getting married.”

Wonwoo spits his drink. Joohyun almost chokes. You just remain silent, hand shaking, heart stopping.

“Mingyu!” Wonwoo scolds. “You can’t marry people that quickly!”

“Why not?” he shrugs. “We love each other.”

“But you’ve only been dating for nine months! Not even a year!”

“Wonwoo, don’t scream,” Joohyun calmly says.

“Mingyu!” Wonwoo shouts again. “If this is one of your pranks, I’m gonna hit you.”

“It’s not,” the other answers nonchalantly as he chewed on his food. “I told Mom. She nearly had a heart attack but said whatever made me happy was okay.”

“It’s too early, Mingyu. You just turned twenty-three!”

“It’s fine. I have a stable job and so does Chaeyeong. No one is complaining, Wonwoo. Just you.”

“Y/N!” Wonwoo calls you. “Say something! Get his head out of his ass.”

You remain quiet.

“See?” Mingyu says. “She’s not complaining. So everything and everyone but you are okay.”

“Y/N, you’re really not gonna say anything?” Wonwoo asks in disbelief.

You reach out for the glass of water to soothe your drying throat. You take a sip before answering with a shrug. “Whatever makes him happy.”

Wonwoo sighs in defeat and leans against his chair to watch everyone. Joohyun looks uncomfortable like she doesn’t want to be there. Mingyu is nonchalantly eating like this was a simple thing. You, on the other hand, are pretending like nothing hurt.

“How did you ask her to marry you?” Wonwoo asks calmly as he reached back for his chopsticks.

Mingyu shrugs. “She asked me.”

“That’s… a bit unconventional.”

“We were eating breakfast and she brought it up and asked me what I thought of getting married,” he continues. “And I said I’d like it. And here we are.”

Wonwoo doesn’t say a word. No one does until they all had to leave. They say their goodbyes and you hope Mingyu and Wonwoo wouldn’t fight on the elevator.

You didn’t cry at all—not a single drop of tear was shed. You promised yourself you’d wash the dishes when you wake up in the morning and brushed your teeth, then went to bed.

_Game’s over._

❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ 

**P r e s e n t**

Before you know it, the day of Mingyu and Chaeyeong’s wedding arrived.

You’re fixing Jun’s tie when Wonwoo interrupts you and says Mingyu needs you. You apologize to Jun and tell him you’ll find him later.

Wonwoo pulls you to the back of the church where Mingyu’s getting ready. When you step inside, you find him arguing with his mother.

“Mom, can you please leave for a sec? Seeing you nervous makes me even more nervous!”

“Y/N!” his mother calls when she sees you in a beautiful dress. “Sweetheart, I have missed you.”

You approach her with a smile and give her a quick hug. “I arrived yesterday,” you say. “I couldn’t get out of work. Had too much on my plate.”

“I’m still upset that you didn’t take the role as one of the bridesmaids,” she reminds you and you laugh.

“On Minseo’s wedding, perhaps?”

She gasps. “Oh no, your little sister is not getting married until she’s thirty! I’m already losing Mingyu and he’s only twenty-three?”

“You’re never gonna lose me, Mom,” Mingyu interjects. “Hi, Y/N. Nice to see you.”

You laugh and turn to him. “I told you I’d come.”

He gives you a quick hug. “You also told me you’d come earlier but you didn’t.”

“Got occupied by work,” you lie.

Mingyu looks at his mom and Wonwoo. “If you don’t mind…”

Wonwoo takes it as a signal and pulls Mrs. Kim with him. The two leave you alone and Mingyu immediately pulls you in for a long hug.

His breath turns ragged in a second and he’s suddenly shaking. You understand that his anxiety has gone through the rood and beyond. You wrap both your arms around him and press yourself closer, careful not to smudge your makeup on his white dress shirt.

“I can’t do it, Y/N,” he suddenly says. “Mom’s right. I’m too young for this. I can’t do this. I can’t be a husband. I can—”

“Hey, hey,” you console and pull away to look at him. You step back, holding both his hands. “Let me look at you.”

He sighs and holds your hands tighter.

“Where’s your suit?” He points beside the mirror. You take two steps to take it and you gesture him to turn around. “This should be Wonwoo’s job,” you mumble as you help him slip it on. He turns to you and you reach up to fix his tie. One last time. For old time’s sake.

Slowly, you did the tie for him. It’s the last time, isn’t it?

You look up at him for a second and realize that he’s staring at you.

“There,” you say once you’re done. You take a step back. “Now you can do it. You’re in full gear.”

He smiles and pulls you again for another hug. You hug him back just as tight.

“Do you really think I can pull this off?” he asks, words muffled by your hair.

You laugh a little. “Remember that one time we both got so shitfaced and we had finals the next day? I was prepared a bit because I did study a little that week. You, on the other hand, went to take the exam hungover. But you passed with flying colors, didn’t you?”

His chest grumbles when he let out a chuckle. “You believe in me way too much. Mom doesn’t even believe in me like this.”

“Because you’re an idiot,” you say. “And I’m an even bigger idiot for believing in you.”

Mingyu, with his hands on around your waist, starts swaying from side to side.

“Stop,” you say. “Your clothes.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he mumbles and continues dancing if you can call it that. “I don’t remember the last time I even danced with you. This could be a good memory.”

You do, though. You remember the last time you and Mingyu danced. It was at his company’s party. He asked you to be his date and you two acted like crackheads around professionals and started a dance party.

But you do not tell him that you do.

“Last dance,” you murmur, tears already threatening to fall from your eyes. You two are still slowly on the sound of nothing and everything at once.

“Not really,” he answers. “I’m still gonna ask you to dance at the reception.”

You shake your head. You pull away for a second and take his left hand with your right. You reach up to rest your left hand on his shoulder and let his other hand on your waist.

“Last dance as Y/N and Mingyu,” you say.

He frowns but continues swaying with you nonetheless.

“We’ll still be Y/N and Mingyu,” he disagrees.

When he lifts your hand a little to turn you, you say, “We both know that’s not true, Gyu.”

He stops swaying when you’re standing face to face. “You called me Gyu.”

“Good observation,” you joked, leading the dance this time.

“You haven’t called me that in a year,” he continues.

“Because you’re not my Gyu anymore,” you answer.

“Then why now?”

“One last time. For old time’s sake.”

You do not know how long you and Mingyu danced to the sound of nothing and everything, but it was cut when Wonwoo knocked and asked if the groom’s ready.

You hold both his hands again and look up at him, directly into his eyes. “Ready, Gyu?”

You want to hold his hands tighter because this is the last time. You wish time could stop for you a little. But it doesn’t.

Mingyu answers Wonwoo and says yes. Wonwoo and the rest of the entourage enter the room. Mingyu doesn’t let go of your hand for a while and you let him. You let him hold your hand like that for the last time. Wonwoo pulls you with a sad smile and tells you to go outside for the bride is on her way. Soon, you’re standing outside the door and leaning against it.

_Game’s over,_  you say.  _For real this time._

You take three deep breaths and struggle to fight the tears. You could just cry during the vows and say it’s tears of joy. With your fists clenched and a fake smile on your lips, you slowly walk out of the hall and into the beautiful church.

You quickly find Jun seated among the people. You’re assigned in a regular seat because you aren’t a part of the entourage nor a family member.

Jun offers his hand and you take it. It’s funny because every single one of you and Mingyu’s friends knew how you felt for him. It doesn’t take a while before the rest of the boys and their dates, except for Wonwoo, Minghao, and Vernon who are a part of the entourage, to fill up the seats on your row and the one behind you.

Someone announces that the wedding is about to start. The people begin to chatter in excitement. When the choir starts to sing beautifully, you face the church’s entrance like everyone else. Mingyu enters, his parents behind him, with a nervous smile on his face.

Everyone’s phones are held facing him. You, on the other hand, didn’t really feel like keeping a memory of this day.

You watch him walk down the aisle. The voices of the choir and the melody of the instruments start to fade from your hearing. You forget that Jun is still holding your hand. You don’t remember feeling your eyes water. Because all you could see and hear and feel is Kim Mingyu.

He looks dashing in his all-white suit. For once, he styled his hair and is wearing clothes that aren’t wrinkled. His eyes are shining brighter and his smile is more mesmerizing than usual. Your eyes are glued on him that you do not realize that the bride has entered.

Mingyu grins even wider but you do not know that it’s for his bride. It doesn’t matter to you, though.

You expect a huge pang in your chest when the bride has reached him, but it never arrives. Your chest is heavy and you could feel your heart losing its feeling second after second.

“You okay?” Jun and Jihoon ask simultaneously when the ceremony began. You laugh and nod. Jihoon takes your other hand and holds it with both his hands.

Wonwoo looks back at you and gives you a warm smile, and then diverts his eyes to Jun like he’s signaling him something.

“Uh, Y/N, you wanna get some air for a sec?” the guy asks.

You do, but you shake your hand and decline his offer.

The ceremony starts like it should—smooth and beautiful and lighthearted. When the priest asks if anyone is against this marriage, Jun and Jihoon held your hand tighter.

“Speak now,” the priest says. “Or forever hold your peace.”

_Forever I shall hold my peace._

❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ 

**P a s t**

“Hey, Y/N,” he calls out.

“Yeah?”

“A random thought.”

“Shoot.”

He clears his throat. “You know how people say that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, right?”

You nod.

“You ever lost something that’s not yours?”

You smile sadly. “Yeah.”

“What about people like us then?” he asks. “We know what we don’t have. How come it’s still painful when we completely lose it?”

You shrug.

“What do we do, then?” he asks. “What do we do about the things we lost even though they were never ours?”

“We watch them,” you answer. “We watch them with the person they belong to.”

❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ ❄︎ 

**P r e s e n t**

It’s a beautiful day, their wedding.

Mingyu said some really cheesy lines during his vow and everyone cried. Chaeyeong looked the most beautiful and ethereal among all the times you’ve seen her.

When it was over, the bride and groom made the first kiss as newlyweds. You refuse to look away and you let go of Jun’s and Jihoon’s hand to hold your own.

Your eyes linger on Mingyu’s face longer. You realize that you’ve seen it enough; you’ve seen the happiness brought by Chaeyeong enough, the one he’s talking about. It’s in his eyes and in his smile. You look at his parents and it’s in them too. It’s everywhere.

You reach up to feel your heart, and it’s beating rapidly in happiness as you continue to look at Mingyu; you realize it’s in you, too.

You look at Mingyu once again—one last time, for old time’s sake—and he looks back at you this time.

You lock eyes for a moment and you worry that he sees something else other than happiness in your eyes, so you grin widely and give him a thumbs up. He raises his hand, the one where Chaeyeong put a ring on and smiles at you with an expression you cannot understand. You let a tear drop from your eyes and smile longingly at him.

_I love you, Kim Mingyu,_  you mouth. Mingyu reads. It was quick but your eyes caught the way a single teardrop fall from his eyes. His attention is quickly diverted to the photographer calling his name.

You wipe the remaining tears from your eyes and excuse yourself from your friends. Jun offers to go with you but you politely turn him down.

No one else notices that you went out through the side doors of the church. You sit on the bench, looking over the garden. You realize that a spring wedding really is beautiful. The weather was with the couple because the sun was shining enough and the flowers are in full bloom. You realize that the entire universe is on their side for this day—perhaps ever since Mingyu and Chaeyeong had met.

You want to throw a fit and become angry, but the feeling never comes to wash over you. You hear the crowd inside cheer loudly, so you close your eyes and bask under the sunlight.

The flowers will bloom for you, too, someday. Someday.


End file.
